


A Very Berry Tale

by Spuri



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cats, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, I abuse italics, M/M, Mad Lib Meme, Pre-Slash, because I can't clean up my language, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spuri/pseuds/Spuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles would like to point out that this is not his fault. But he tries to help Derek's cat anyway. </p>
<p>Things do not go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Berry Tale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [azurian_defiant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/azurian_defiant/gifts), [aggybird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aggybird/gifts).



> So, huge thanks to [Aggy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/aggybird), who made [this a thing](http://aggybird.tumblr.com/post/53481143598/mad-lib-meme), and to [Nira](http://archiveofourown.org/users/azurian_defiant), who have me my prompt words:
> 
> Strawberries, asinine, searing, dote, treed, fugly, balloon, ballot, vestige, sword.
> 
> Yes, dear, they were random enough. <3

Stiles glared up at Berry - so named because her first day at Derek’s loft, she’d managed to get into a pack of strawberries, and eaten the _entire fucking thing_ , and Derek had freaked out, convinced that strawberries were bad for cats and that she was gonna die - unimpressed by the searing, baleful kitty eyes he got in return.

 

“Seriously? We’re gonna do this? This is an actual cliché that’s gonna happen here?” he called up at the fugly, _fugly_ cat, wondering for the umpteenth time why Derek had decided to adopt _this_ one. Berry meowed grumpily back down at him, and scooted further up on her perch.

 

Stiles sighed. Derek was going to _kill_ him, which was hardly fair, because Stiles - and his awesome, awesome batman balloon that had died tragically by claw a few minutes ago - was the victim here. “Could you please come down? I _know_ that this is a thing you can do, I’ve _seen_ you do it before, okay? There is nothing stopping you from getting down from there on your own, seriously.”

 

Because of course the sound of the balloon popping as _Berry clawed it to death_ had freaked the stupid cat out, and now she’d gone and _treed_ herself. And Stiles had always thought that he’d die because of some weird supernatural big bad, but nope, Derek was gonna kill him - Derek didn’t count, because he was more a supernatural bag of fluff and emo angst and self-hate than a big bad - because Stiles had traumatized his cat.

 

Seriously, if Derek came home to find Berry up a tree, there would be asinine cooing and reassuring petting, and probably demands that Stiles looked up pet psychiatrists, because that was the kind of ridiculously doting pet owner Derek was. Stiles would probably find it nauseating and disgusting if it wasn’t so damn _adorable_ , if he wouldn’t happily give up a kidney to watch Derek carefully and gently, ever so gently pet Berry with the softest and smallest of smiles on his face.

 

And Stiles would probably give up a kidney and a _lung_ to have Derek smile at _him_ like that. But nope, instead he’d probably have to organize some sort of petition or vote with the pack to veto Derek killing him for this. Maybe if he designed really awesome ballots, they’d all go along with it.

 

...Although he was kind of worried they’d be all too happy to jump on the “get rid of Stiles” train. Probably best not to test that theory. Let sleeping dogs (heh) lie, and all that.

 

He shook the thoughts off before he could depress himself further, and focused his attention back on Berry. Nope, no change. She still looked unnerved and distressed, trying to hide her freakout behind how much she hated the world - and Stiles in particular - for doing this to her, and there really was something to that old belief that pets resembled their owners. Maybe that was why Derek had picked her in the first place.

 

“Y’know, I’m pretty sure Derek still has Gerard’s sword from when we salvaged it from the dumpster behind school after the new principal came back and threw it out,” Stiles said, halfway musing, halfway threatening. “Pretty sure I could cut off that branch you’re on with it, and then gravity would take care of the rest.”

 

Berry meowed - almost plaintively - and Stiles kind of felt bad. He sighed again. “No? And you’re really not gonna come down on your own? Seriously? You _know_ I’m not a werewolf. I can’t do the effortlessly acrobatic parkour bullshit.” He fixed Berry with one last glare. “I just want you to know, I _really_ hate you right now.”

 

Grumbling under his breath about stupid cats and their equally stupid, overprotective owners, Stiles started climbing the tree. “Oh god, why are you scooting further away, you stupid furball, I’m up here to _save_ you, damn it!”

 

He watched in horror as Berry inched further out onto the branch, where it was thinning pretty dangerously, and there was no way Stiles could get far enough out to reach her without this ending trip-to-the-ER-badly. He went out as far as he dared, and beseechingly stretched out his hand for her. He got a pawful of _sharp_ claws to it for his effort, before Berry hissed and pretty much scrambled over him and down the tree, and why couldn’t she have just done that in the _first_ place?!

 

“You’re _welcome_!” he shouted after her as she streaked through the park and back towards Derek’s loft. Stupid, ungrateful cat. Oh well, at least he could get out of this damn tree now. Maybe he’d see if he could find that balloon vendor again, and get a new one, that he won’t bring anywhere near anything with claws.

 

Um...

 

Well, fuck. He was stuck. He groaned and gently let his head thunk down on the branch. How was this his _life_?

 

“What are you doing up there?” came Derek’s voice out of frickin’ _nowhere_ , and Stiles yelped and in his surprise _let go_ of his branch. He squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation of the ground to meeting him, and crunching his bones to tiny, tiny pieces.

 

There was no crunching. Instead there was a slight _oof_ , and furnace-hot, soft firmness along his side, and around his back and thighs. Confused and wary, he opened his eyes, and oh _god_ , Derek Hale had caught him, and was holding him in some horrible bridal style carry, and Stiles just wanted to die, okay. Which was a distinct possibility, with how fast his heart was racing. Not how he thought Derek was gonna kill him, but it wasn’t as if Death By Derek Hale-Induced Heart Attack was something he’d _completely_ discounted whenever he considered his inevitable end.

 

“You okay?” Derek asked, and he was _smiling_ , and Stiles was torn between being mortified and flailing, because _smiling Derek Hale_ , and not even a _fake_ one, an actual _smile_.

 

Stiles managed a stiff nod. “Could you put me down, please?” he said, trying to gather the tattered vestiges of his mortally wounded pride. Derek did, and Stiles breathed a quiet sigh of relief, and not at _all_ for any wistful loss of that warm, firm pressure of Derek’s body against his.

 

“So, what were you doing up there?” Derek repeated, and he was still smiling. This was both the best and the worst day of Stiles’ life, which was impressive, with all the candidates he had to choose from.

 

“Trying to get Berry out of the tree,” he admitted. He didn’t even have the brainpower to come up with a lie. Derek critically scrutinized the tree, and Stiles could see the worry, which then turned to confusion.

 

“Berry isn’t in the tree,” Derek pointed out carefully, gently, as if he was worried about Stiles’ sanity. Stiles sighed. What else was new?

 

“No, she managed to get down perfectly fine on her own, but apparently she couldn’t do so until I was stuck up there as well. I’m fairly sure it was all an act to get me up there.” Stiles had to face it; there was no point in trying to save any last scraps of pride. He had none left.

 

“So. You got stuck in a tree trying to help a cat stuck in said tree down?” Derek asked, and Stiles could just _hear_ the amusement in his voice.

 

“Yeah, yeah, the hilarity. I’m gonna go home now and hide in my bed until this day is over. I’ll leave you to laugh at me in peace,” Stiles grumbled, trying to ignore how blazing hot his cheeks felt. He shoved his hands in his pants pockets, and headed for the park exit and his Jeep parked just down the street.

 

“Wait,” Derek called, and grabbed his arm. Stiles looked up at him in surprise. “I just... Thank you. For wanting to help Berry. I know you don’t really get along with her. So thanks.”

 

“Dude, you love that cat. Of course I’m gonna try to help her if I can.” Stiles stared at Derek, not quite believing that he could be this dense, this _surprised_ that Stiles had done something for him. As if there was anything he _wouldn’t_ do. “Besides, who knows? Maybe me and Berry’ll be best pals one day.”

 

Derek smiled at him, grateful, _happy_ , and Stiles’ heart did a somersault that was probably painfully and loudly obvious to a werewolf. “Come by the loft sometime to play with Berry? I’ll get pizza?”

 

Stiles grinned so wide it hurt. Derek probably didn’t mean it like that, but it _sounded_ like flirting, and Stiles would live the dream as long as he could, okay? “Sounds awesome.”

 

Derek gave his arm a companionable squeeze. “Good.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to join me/poke me/give me prompts on [Tumblr](http://spurisani.tumblr.com/)! (Fair warning: I can be terribly flaky about getting writing done. Best not to expect long!fic from me)


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